#178 The Dark Side of STEM Leadership: The #1 Thing Female Directors, VPs and Execs Need to Know To Avoid Regret in Later Life

Lucy Gernon (00:00)

I still remember the weight of my company iPhone in my hand as I glance at the missed call from my daughter’s school. It was the second one that week and honestly my heart sank because each time I had been in critical meetings, meetings that somehow always seemed to be more urgent than anything else in my life. I worked leading teams in the pharmaceutical industry, so patient needs were always at the fore. But the truth is I was missing my own life while taking care of everyone else’s priorities.

But what I discovered next changed everything for me and has since transformed the lives of hundreds of in STEM, tech, financial services and other male dominated industries. So if you’re a woman director, VP or executive drowning in urgent demands and feeling like life is passing you by, this podcast might just be the most important few minutes of your week. The question is, will you give yourself permission to listen?

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast where today I am speaking to a specific segment of my audience, which I know makes up a huge portion, which is women in STEM. Now, if you’re not in STEM, please know that you are still welcome here. I still see you, but I specifically wanted to address this particular field because it’s what I know best. It’s where I came from. worked. have a science background, as I told you guys before, and I really wanted to call out

The number one thing that if you’re a female in senior leadership, that you need to know today to avoid regret in later life. So I remember reading the seven top regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware. And in case you haven’t read the book, she’s a palliative care nurse and she basically was with people at the end of their life. And she started to see patterns about the regrets that they were having. And she wrote this book.

So definitely go and grab it on Amazon. I will link it in the show notes for you. But one of the top regrets was that I wish I lived a life true to myself. And that’s why I think authentic leadership is just something I’m so passionate about because if you can’t be you, you’re just going to be a diluted version of somebody else, most likely that you don’t even really like. And the second top regret was I wish I hadn’t worked so much.

And that, my lovely lady, is what I really want to dig in with you today. So if you are a woman in STEM or in financial services or another analytically minded industry where the pace is fast, there’s a lot of dollars on the line. This might sound painfully familiar. And we work in environments that were largely built by men for men and often without consideration for our lives.

And back in my corporate days, like the pressure to perform was never, you know, show weakness, always be available. It was relentless until I really had the realization that there had to have been a different way. For two decades, I led operations teams, quality capital projects and financial roles. And on paper, sure, I was really successful. But for a lot of the time, I was drowning. I was the one missing calls from loved ones, too busy.

to call them back or taking urgent calls during family dinners, postponing doctor’s appointments because I just didn’t have the time and checking emails at 10 o’clock just to stay on top of things. I was saying yes to projects and demands that I knew would overwhelm me and my team because at the time I really didn’t know how to push back without appearing uncommitted. Does any of this sound like you? So here’s the thing. You’re not overworked.

You’re just institutionalized. So what I’ve discovered through my own journey and through coaching countless women in STEM and financial services leadership back since 2020. And beyond that, I’ve worked in industry since I was 20 years old. So you’re talking like 25 years. And in fact, here’s a fun fact. Before that, I was always leading teams. My very first role, I was promoted to supervisor within about two months in a restaurant.

that summer I ran one of their franchises and I, I’ve always been leading teams, like literally since I was like 16 years old. But my very first job in industry was in a meat factory and it was full of men, older men at that. I was coming in as head of quality. got promoted to quality lead. when I had a small team and when I was like just 20 years old. So believe me, when I say, I know what it’s like to work in male dominated fields and I know what it’s like to have pressure to perform and.

We have all of this, I suppose, the unconscious bias that exists as well when it comes to women, right? And a lot of the time is it’s not actually that we have a capacity problem. It’s that we have a mindset problem. So if you’re multitasking, come back to me. I hear this all of the time. I don’t have capacity. Capacity is a word that comes up a lot. But actually, capacity is not usually the issue. It’s actually usually that you have a mindset issue.

because you have been institutionalized. you like, I came from the pharmaceutical industry and I know that a lot of my listeners come from pharma or tech or med tech. And then a lot of my other listeners come from like financial services, like big organizations where there’s significant dollars on the line and you become brainwashed by the culture. Your value comes from you constantly being available. Business needs are more important than your own, which is just so effed up.

Like, isn’t it so f’ed up that we actually put business before our health and our wellness? Saying no is like a sign of weakness and working longer hours seems to equal greater commitment. We think taking time for ourselves is selfish and your health and your family can wait because this business thing, this problem, this issue, this KPI, this number you have to hit, whatever it is you’re striving for that you’ve been brainwashed to thinking.

It isn’t just false, it is absolutely damaging. And what’s worse is it doesn’t even lead to better results, it actually leads to burnout. So what if I told you that working less could actually make you more effective? When I coach women in my flagship program, 360 Leaders Club, one of the first things we implement, I’m gonna share with you today guys, absolutely no gay keeping because…

I really want more women to understand this concept that will revolutionize how you show up and your availability. One of the first things I talk to my new members about, and I bring up consistently in 360, is results-focused thinking, RFT. Not right first time for those of you who are in pharma. RFT is results-focused thinking. And this is one of the many shifts that will lead to a transformation.

One of my clients, Terry, she’s a director in financial services and she started to apply this tip and she had said she has made, I’m going to read her testimonial now actually. said, I’ve made more small changes in the past six months than the past five years. The peer support advice and encouragement has been a real gift. I’m more intentional with my time. I’m much happier at home and work. And there’s lots of opportunities opening up that comes from Terry.

And this was just one of the many micro tools and tips and tactics that I share in 360 that will have a dramatic interest. And when you have access to all of them, the compound effect over time is like truly transformational. So my invitation for you is instead of you creating endless to-do lists that just keep you busy, but not productive, create a results list. And here’s the difference. So to-do list looks something like

attend seven meetings, spend, you know, reply to these 10 emails, review Q3 reports and start budget planning. Yeah. It could also be replied to this, you know, reply to this person, set up a meeting with this person. These are all tasks and to do’s. Whereas a results list is different. It’s focused on you thinking about the result that you want to create. When you do that, when you get really clear on the tangible outcome that you’re trying to create,

Your brain will naturally find ways to achieve that in less steps because our brains, number one function is actually to to conserve energy. So our brain does not want to do all of these to do lists. Right. So you’ve got to open up your mind to an expanded way of thinking. The universe is ever expanding. You are in a realm of expansion. And when you start to think about, wait a minute, clearly what I’ve been doing hasn’t been serving me and everybody around me is doing the same thing because I’m institutionalized and following.

You, lovely lady, are a leader. A leader does not follow. A leader sets her own rules. A leader becomes so authentic and in tune and aligned with who she really is and what she brings to the world that she cannot help but infect culture around her. You do not have to conform to the way your organization is run. No matter what level you’re at, you can be the change. where that all comes from,

is it starts with getting into alignment with yourself. And real alignment is all about you getting really clear on your values, your beliefs, your limiting blocks, the things that hold you back, the stories, the narratives that you’re telling yourself that are stopping you from reaching your potential and from having that time to actually enjoy life. Because there’s a huge myth that I need to bust today, which is that.

You have to burst your balls for your entire career. You have to count down to retirement, save as much as you can in your pension. And then when you retire, you’ll have a great life. Guys, you only ever have now. Now, now, and now, and now. And that first now I said a couple of minutes ago is gone. We are now in the present moment. And you never really have anything other than the present moment. So…

My invitation for you is to really to take a good step back and look at your life and ask yourself, is this how I want to be showing up? Am I living my life in alignment with my values and who I really am? And this is something we talk a lot about in 360. Like obviously 360 is a leadership development program, but it is a full transformational experience.

You get mindset coaching. talk a lot about spirituality. We talk about meditation and mindfulness and resilience building at work and stress reduction and productivity and leadership and conflict management and all of the things and health and wellness and menopause and everything. Because I really want you to remember who you are as a leader is just one part of who you are. Your job title is not all of who you are. It does not define your worth. It does not define your value.

And when you realize that, the game will change. Okay?

I just feel a bit, I felt really called to say that. If it landed and you’re sitting there and you’re thinking, OK, I know I need to change something. Where do I start? Please just reach out to me. Reach out to me via email. Hello, Lucy Gurran dot com or reach out to me on Instagram or LinkedIn and just send me a direct message and just say, Lucy, I’d love to have a conversation with you about how you can help me. I know that I am stuck. I know I’m institutionalized.

I know there has to be a better way for me to live a life full of alignment and in abundance and to have all of the things because, lovely lady, it is more than possible. You’ve just got to realize that there is another way to do it. OK. So getting back to where I was going with this episode is I really want to give you five step mindset reset. OK.

Because after working with hundreds of women in leadership in organizations like Google and Pfizer and PWC and KPMG and scaling SMEs and like law firms, mean, accountants, I’ve worked with actuaries, I’ve worked, people who are analytical tend to gravitate towards me, which I love, by the way, because I’m, of you I’m analytical, I understand the world, but I’m a lot more on the other side in terms of creativity.

in terms of spirituality, in terms of structure as well. So I love being able to support women in the gaps that they don’t have in those spaces. I want to give you five mindset reset tips that you can take away today from this show. The first one is to replace your to-do list with the results list, like I said. So most of the high achievers operate from endless to-do lists that keeps them busy, but not effective. So you’ve got to remember Pareto’s law.

80 % of your efforts will yield just 20 % of your results. And 20 % of your efforts actually yields 80 % of your results. So it’s about doubling down on the 20 % and removing the 80 % that is not actually moving the needle. And realizing that, do you know what? Working life doesn’t have to be as hard. In 360, I’m all about making leadership in life 100 times easier because we make it too hard.

and you only get one life, okay? So let’s start with a to do results list. So your action step is then before opening your laptop, I want you to write down the three most important results that you need to achieve, not tasks, results. Like I have a priorities board in my office here and there’s literally, okay, there’s six on it for this month at the moment. I tried to keep it to five because I like odd numbers. I don’t know why.

But I have six on it right now. When anything else that comes my way, if it does not lead me towards the results that I have already calculated that I want to achieve, and they’re very tangible, it gets deprioritized. And that’s okay, because you cannot be all things to all people. You cannot do it all. You’re not going to be effective. You’re not going to be respected. The second thing then is to implement your very own whiteboard system. So anything that does not advance your priorities.

shouldn’t get your time or attention, but it’s about being strategic. It’s about being intentional and it’s about making a decision about that you’re going to actually stop and get off the hamster wheel and stop being so reactive and actually give yourself permission to plan and be strategic. OK, so I invite you to just go to your local stationary shop or wherever. If you’re in Ireland somewhere like Mr. Price will have it. Target will have it in the US or you get them anywhere. Get a small whiteboard and just literally

list out your priorities and when requests come in, like I said, you literally just ask yourself, does this move me towards one of these priorities? If not, decline or delegate or at least deprioritize it for now so you can come back to it later. OK. The third tip I’m going to give you is to recognize when you’re responding to dominant energy. Now, if you’re multitasking, please come back to me. When I worked in corporate leadership, I did not understand

I didn’t understand anything about energy management and I didn’t understand about the emotional world and I didn’t understand about mindset. And the key to success, balance and happiness lies in that. In fact, I would go as far as to say it is the most important skill you will ever learn is learning how your mind works and learning how to manage your energy and connecting and getting in alignment with your spirit and with your soul. OK.

So when we’re in work and there’s a dominant energy force, for example, it could be an overpowering female, it could be an aggressive male, it’s all about the energy, not necessarily the sex, okay? But in general, women in senior leadership would be in more of the minority at the senior leadership table. And they often tell me, clients, had a VP recently telling me that she found herself automatically responding to the most forceful.

or urgent sounding request rather than the actual importance of it. And so I call this reacting to dominant energy rather than two priorities. So the next time someone presents you with an urgent request, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, if I had to rank this on a scale of one to 10 for its impact on our most important objectives, where would it fall? And anything below a seven should be questioned. The fourth tip then is to set

boundaries through what I call progressive resistance training. So just like physical strength, you guys know that I’m at the gym and I’m really into my strength training at the moment. I should probably record an episode on my whole health journey again. But boundary setting is a muscle that develops over time with practice. So I invite you to start small, ease into your boundaries and gradually build towards more challenging ones as your boundary muscle strengthens.

So I had a couple of new 360 members recently and I’m smiling here. If you’re watching me on video, you’ll see a big smile because one thing I love is helping you set a good boundary. And sometimes you just need a coach or somebody like me or a friend. doesn’t matter to make you see that you’re worthy of more. To make you see that you are worthy of more, that you are the captain of your ship. They don’t get to always dictate everything, okay?

And a couple of ladies that I worked with recently, they got bonus one to ones with me, which if you ever see me doing those guys in a promotion, please seize the opportunity because my calendar is packed and I cannot really take on any additional one to one clients right now. whenever I have, I can, if I can manage to free up some space, sometimes I run them as bonuses. And in one of these sessions, it was so cool. One of the ladies realized that

I mean, she, her, her responsibilities were doubled out of her peers, one of her peers, her counterparts. had double the amount on her team and she had never set a boundary around this. And after one session, she realized, hang on a minute, like, does something very wrong here? And she was able to go and set that boundary, begin that conversation and a restructure is now in progress. Another lady again, realized that she didn’t want to set boundaries because she had a perfectionist tendency.

And again, this is something that I love to work with women on in 360 is around the area of perfectionism and procrastination and overanalyzing and overthinking because we get so stuck in ourselves. You can’t even see it as another way. But I can tell you that that there absolutely is another way. So your action step from the episode today is if you were to even think about a simple like digital boundary.

For example, if you find yourself going on the emails in the evening on your phone, maybe just set yourself a gradual boundary of, okay, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I won’t check my emails after seven o’clock. And once that feels comfortable, you extend it to three nights. And then maybe you might add in that you’re not gonna do meetings before 9.30 a.m. or whatever boundary would best support you and how you like to work and your wellbeing. Because guys, I’m gonna say it again, if you’re multitasking.

You are leaders. You get to change culture no matter what level of the organization you’re in. And once you have your results focused, thinking hat on, you’re golden. And I really hope you’re enjoying this episode, guys, because I’m giving you like a lot of value. This is free. This content is free. And I don’t want to gatekeep. I really want more women to hear this message. OK.

The fifth step then, or the fifth mindset step is to redefine responsibility as response hyphen ability. Get it? See what I did there? So many women in leadership carry an outside sense of responsibility that actually leads to taking on too much. So I invite you to reframe responsibility as your ability to respond appropriately, which sometimes actually means saying no, delegating or postponing.

So your action step is to identify one project or commitment that’s draining your energy right now and ask yourself a powerful question. If I were advising my best friend about this situation, what would I tell her? Then follow the advice yourself. So the proof is in the pudding guys. When you work with a coach like me, we’re in your corner and we help you make positive change super fast.

Because focusing on your own development isn’t selfish. It is absolutely necessary if you’re ambitious and you want to succeed without burning out. So like, why wouldn’t you invest in yourself? Why wouldn’t you allow yourself to be supported to let things be easier? Like, why do we have to make it so hard? Because I can tell you for sure that the strategies, coaching and tools I provide are transforming the lives of careers of women.

across STEM and financial services and other male dominated industries every single day. One of my clients, I’m not going to share her name because I don’t have permission and I will never share a story or anything unless I have my client’s permission to share a name. But one of the ladies, she’s fantastic. She works in financial services and she said after working together and we’re still working together, actually, I asked her like, what was the most impactful change for you over the last six months?

And she said it is the fact that she can close her laptop at the end of the day and switch off while still doing her work to a high standards. She said the conflict management mindset and communication tools are very useful and helped her grow into a more confident and self-assured leader and more present mother. And guys, if I’m really honest, do I do this really to help you all be better leaders? I do to an extent, of course I do.

But the drive behind this whole thing for me is because I want you to be present in life, because I know when you have the tools to be more strategic, to lead with confidence, to have better executive presence, to be more productive, I know that you will be able to leave work and work a lot more than you currently do, which means you get to enjoy this beautiful life. You have one shot on this earth, like one shot.

Please don’t waste it on the hamster wheel. Another one of our 360 members, Caroline, she’s an SVP in financial services and she shared freely. And I asked her after, you know, when she was with us, maybe about two months. And she said, I’ve been blown away by 360 Leaders Club. I feel more confident in work, managing my time better for personal development and strategic thinking. The women are incredibly supportive.

Another lady, Trace, said, I never really invested in my own development. That was a step change, but I know I deserve to invest in myself and give this time. I trust my instinct and it’s been a game changer. I’m happier, more confident and I secured a promotion. And Trace was a member for about two years and she’s recently just flown the coop to go and focus on other things. And I couldn’t be more proud of her for everything that she has done over the last couple of years working together. And I love that.

The tools will stay with her forever. And she gets to share that not only with her team and to influence change, but also a lot of the tools and the tips have this huge ripple effect in your family. Cause you’re going to start talking about gratitude and you’re going to start talking about health and wellness and you’re going to start having more difficult conversations. And you’re going to start talking about being more productive and you’re going to start talking about alignment and spirituality and all these things. And all of a sudden the people around you are better too.

And yeah, my tears are coming now. I need to take a minute because it’s true. And that’s what lights me up.

Okay, told the most today. So that’s it for this week’s episode. And now I do have an invitation for you. If what my words have landed with you today, and if you’re ready to unlock your next level of success and reclaim the work-life balance that you deserve, I invite you to take one of two options. Option one is to join the 360 Leaders Club priority wait list.

Now I created this club, especially for women in STEM, financial services and other male dominate fields in senior leadership positions who are looking to develop as leaders through practical strategies, useful tools and a supportive community of peers who truly understand their challenges and will be opening up a very limited number of spots soon. So I invite you to join the wait list to be very first to know when applications open. We will link it in the show notes, but all you’ve got to do is go to 360leadersclub.com forward slash wait list.

or wherever you’re listening to this right now, will be, the link will be there in the show notes for you. The second thing you can do is if this all sounds great, but maybe you’re thinking group coaching isn’t for me, group training isn’t for me, I’m thinking more one-to-one, or maybe you’re just not sure if you believe that you deserve this or that you’ll actually implement because that’s a big fear I hear that comes up for a lot of my members before they join us. Like, I’m afraid I won’t do it. I’m afraid I won’t hold myself accountable.

Like that’s what I’m there for. You can book a private call with me. OK. Now, my capacity for those guys is seriously limited. So please only book a call with me if you are like 95 percent there and you just need to have a conversation. And if you’re ready to take action to invest in yourself, if it feels right, of course, I don’t unfortunately have capacity for coffee chats or anything like that because my diary is slammed and it is just a boundary I’ve set. But I will always.

Always make time for the woman who is ready to invest in herself and put herself first. So all you’ve got to do there is again, if you just go to lucygarden.com forward slash contact and just send me a quick email. My team will handle that inbox. They’ll get back to you with availability and we can pencil in some time. So that’s lucygarden.com forward slash contact. If you want to book a call with me or if you want to join our wait list, if you’re like Lucy, I’m in, I don’t want to miss this opportunity.

join the wait list and we let you know when spots open up again. So that is it for this week’s episode. I felt a bit like emotional. This episode is everything for me because I wish I had somebody like me when I worked in the corporate world. I wish I had the tools and the tips that I have now. I wish I wasn’t so institutionalized. I would go back in time and do things so differently. And because I’ve been in your shoes and speak your language, I get it.

But now I have a perspective that you don’t. And that’s what I cannot wait to share with you when the time is right. Okay, so thank you for being a loyal listener as always. If you know a woman in STEM, financial services or any other male dominated field, a woman who is struggling at the top, a woman who knows that she is worthy of more, a woman who wants to be the best leader, the best mother, the best partner, the best friend, who wants to fulfill her potential and make leadership

hundred times easier so that you can actually enjoy your life. Please forward this episode to her. You would be sending her a gift. And if you want to reach out to me, just even I’d love to hear what you thought of today’s episode, because I felt a little vulnerable at times. I would love if you would just send me a DM on Instagram or LinkedIn and we can have a chat. All right. So that’s it. See you next week. Same time, same place. Bye for now.