#06 Goodbye Self Doubt, Hello Confidence

Self-doubt and anxiety can be crippling.

You can get stuck in your own head and once you start doubting one thing, you can find it hard to stop doubting everything! Self-doubt and overthinking can really affect your career progression and the magnitude of impact you can make at work. Self-doubt in relationships can also be a  big problem. But what causes self-doubt? And how can you be more confident?

An article on Women in the workplace was published  by Forbes a couple of years ago called Women In The Workplace: The Myth Of The Confidence Gap

The author, Prudy Gourguechon posed 6 scenarios about confidence.

True or false?

1. Confidence is seen as a necessary positive leadership trait and women are not promoted as far or as fast as men because they don’t demonstrate confidence.

2. Women are less confident in their abilities than men.

3. Women need to step forward, lean in, be more assertive, demonstrate confidence, claim a seat at the table.

4. Women who are confident and assertive are often seen as unlikeable, unpromotable and less likely to be hired.

5. Take-charge behaviour is rewarded when exhibited by men and punished when exhibited by women.

6. No one (male or female) likes a shrill, bossy woman

Based on recent research, it suggests that the widely-held idea that women are less confident in their abilities than men is an incorrect interpretation of appearances.

Only number 2 is false. The rest are true!

So, you do have confidence in your own abilities, so where does this self-doubt come from?

Meet Your Inner Critic

This is the term sometimes used to describe the unwanted voices inside your head that stop you from moving forward

These voices make you feel inadequate in some way, you feel bad about yourself and it’s where your self-doubt comes from

But, these voices were created to protect you as a survival/coping mechanism

Richard Carsons book, use the concept of Gremlins. The book is called  Taming Your Gremlin: A surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way(af) The author refers to these voices as monsters in your head.

Can you relate?

But there is a way you can stop these voices. It takes time and work but you can do it. In fact, a lot of the work I focus on with my clients is this mindset work as once you can master your mind, you can master anything.

I had a client once who wanted to go for a promotion and although she had 20+ years experience, had been head-hunted for the role and knew she had the ability, she didn’t feel confident about taking the role. Que Imposter Syndrome! She had big shoes to fill and she was using her energy doubting herself instead of focusing on why she was hired in the first place.

We worked through this as part of my 5 step system in Powerhouse Revolution to help her to break through and shine, which she absolutely did. Mindset work takes time, consistency, repetition. Once you have the right support and tools, you can kick negative self-talk for good.

So how can you stop these negative voices?

Awareness. It may sound simple but imagine yourself floating out of your body as an observer of your thoughts. Become aware that you are not your thoughts. As you get to know your Gremlin, you learn to live easier with it

By shining the light of your awareness on this negative self-talk and self-doubt and getting really curious with yourself as to why they are there, you will reduce their effect.

Tune in to your true self, that voice that is willing you on to succeed.

Which voice is your true self?

Some Common Gremlins

Miss Perfect “This should be this way. When its not I feel out of control”

Ms Not Good Enough “I cant speak up, people wont take me seriously”

Mrs Goals “Unless I am achieving big things, I am not worthy”

Miss Restless “I need to keep doing. If I’m not doing I’m not achieving”

Mrs Procrastination “I’ll just do something else first”

Ms Stickler “But that can’t be right and I wont let you away with it”

Miss Hyper Vigilant “If I make a mistake, I’m afraid I will get a bollocking”

Ms Hyper Rational “The rational mind is where its at, no time for feelings”

Free Leadership Quiz Time!

If you want to learn more about your mind, take my free leadership quiz to find out what your style is as these self-sabotaging characteristics and what you can do about them

5 Tips to Stop Self Doubt

1. Get to know your Gremlins. Give them names. Know this is not you.

2. Become aware of who and what situations triggers them

3. Find out their purpose – is there a positive intention?

   E.g. if I don’t say too much I won’t embarrass myself. Take comfort in this but tell that voice you are ok, you’ve got this. know you are trying to keep me safe but I’ve got this

4. Change your thinking. Remember where attention goes, energy flows.

5. Practice Manifestation. The Law of Attraction states that positive thoughts= positive outcomes; negative thoughts=negative outcomes