#186 How to Overcome Competition and Build Genuine Connections as a Woman in Leadership

Does the thoughts of walking into a networking event fill you with dread? You’re probably wondering things like, what do I say? How do I show up? Who do I talk to? Where do I go? I want you to know that this is all totally normal. And in this week’s episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast, I’m sharing exactly my tips that I use when I go to events. I am just back off a trip to LA where I flew halfway across the world by myself to meet a group of 40 women that I did not know.

 

And in this week’s episode of the show, I’m sharing the mindset shifts I had to go through the strategies I employed before I went and afterwards to ensure that it was a success. And I can tell you it was quite the success. So tune into this week’s episode of the 360 Leadership podcast and let’s get into it.

Lucy Gernon (02:47.33)

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast. I’ve just come back from something a bit wild. I literally flew halfway across the world to Los Angeles all by myself to join a mastermind business retreat with about 40 other powerhouse female entrepreneurs. I didn’t know anyone in real life. I’d only spoken to a couple of them online. And if I’m being totally honest, I was nervous. I felt like the new girl.

 

Like the outsider, lots of them had met before at previous events and I was literally going over halfway across the world by myself. But I want to tell you what happened at this retreat because there is a lesson in it that I want every single woman in leadership to know because I think it is really powerful for us to share our vulnerability as women leaders because it is about competition between women.

 

It’s about inserting yourself into rooms, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about how I went from stranger to connected, not by waiting to be invited in, but by being intentional and strategic. So let me start, first of all, by talking a bit about what exactly is a mastermind and why did I join one? So a mastermind group is a space for ambitious people to connect, learn and grow together.

 

And it’s one of the foundations of success in life. We know that your reference group dictates your success. And I want to be around other high achieving women who also want to be successful, but who want to do it in a very aligned way with who they are and their values. And also work life balance, as you know, is super, super important to me. And so too is health and wellness. And I found a new mastermind group recently.

 

Well, I started it in back in December, actually. And I learned because one thing I know for sure is that when we get into community with other women in leadership like ourselves and those who are further ahead, that’s where the growth comes from. That’s where the expansion comes from. And that’s where the learning comes from. And my very first experience with the mastermind was probably about three years ago.

 

Lucy Gernon (05:09.346)

I’ve been in business for a while and I had done one to one coaching and I never even considered joining a group before because believe it or not, I don’t like big groups. Usually I find it uncomfortable, especially if I don’t know people and I would have been very guarded and very cautious about what I said and what they thought. So groups really weren’t my thing until I joined my first mastermind and

 

I have to say it really transformed my confidence because I saw other women who I looked up to being vulnerable. It gave me more permission to be more myself. And it’s really, really changed everything for me. And this is what led to me creating 360 leaders club, because in the corporate space, there’s a lot of masking. There’s a lot of, you know, keeping your guard up and.

 

a lot of there’s not really a space where you can go to have to, you know, have conversations about, know, how do I solve this challenge or, know, this this thing has happened, like, what do I do? Because I have this decision to make, and I’m not really sure what way to move forward, because there’s a certain expectation of you as a woman leader to have it all together. Right. And we don’t want to let our closest colleagues and technically our peers that we’re being.

 

you know, benchmarked against the end of your appraisal time to know our weaknesses. So that’s why I created 360 Leaders Club to help my our members to continue to develop and grow as leaders and also to give them that space where they can learn and grow from other women and be themselves as well. So let’s go back to the L.A. conversation. First of all, I definitely think I was born to live in L.A. and I really hope one day that I do end up living there because

 

I just love the lifestyle in LA. It’s very health conscious, wellness conscious. The weather is amazing. The palm trees. know, everyone is positive and they just want the best for you. I can’t tell you like how many people just want to help and support. And I just that’s what I’m all about as well. So I decided when I joined this mass, this new mastermind in December that I was going to go to LA. I was going to fly to LA by myself.

 

Lucy Gernon (07:27.608)

So I booked an 11 hour flight, not knowing anybody personally. I felt anxious, but I was determined to grow and learn. So how I did that was I started to prepare in advance. So we are part of a like a community. And again, in 360 leaders club, I have my own community kind of online app area where I encourage our members to have conversations with each other.

 

And what I notice is in any community I’ve ever been in, there’s only ever a small portion of people who really engage. Most other people are too busy or they don’t think it’s worth their time. But I knew that if I could try to get to know these women online by being interested in what was happening, by celebrating their wins, by asking questions myself, that made me feel really uncomfortable sometimes asking strangers, listen, can I have this thing? Can you help me with it? When I got there,

 

I got to know people’s names and I got to know more about them because, you know, I’ve been on calls with them or we’ve been engaged in the community. I used to send like little DMs to them before. If they, like I said, I’d celebrate their wins. And even when it felt awkward for me, it was all part of my strategy because I knew if I had built connection online, well, then it’s going to be so much easier for me to connect offline in real in real life in person. So.

 

When I went over to LA, we did the retreat. It was amazing. I stayed in in a lovely house just outside Beverly Hills. Like it was just amazing. It was one of these mansions. And if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll have seen my Instagram stories. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, come on over. It’s Lucy Gernon. Just my name. There’s only one of me. And I regularly share like behind the scenes content of my trips and helpful content on the grid for women leaders as well. But.

 

You know, when you’re in groups of women this size, there’s always going to be women that you vibe with and women that you don’t. And I’m quite an open person. I’ve done a lot of work to try to remove judgment. used to have the biggest judge, to be honest. I was very judgmental. I’ve had to do a lot of work and I still have to catch myself of, know, just making sure that I’m not judging people based on how I think they should be and who I think they should be. It’s very much being empathetic and

 

Lucy Gernon (09:54.798)

trying to, you know, allow everybody to express who they really are. So we we did the event. It was amazing. after the event, we there was a group of us, let’s just say. I don’t want to get too specific in case anyone is listening. And this is all said from heart. And also to just try to help you guys understand is one of my biggest fears in life. Well, since I was small is I always thought it wasn’t good enough. And I’ve told you guys this before. So

 

I always thought everyone had to like me and I wanted everyone to like me. And thank God through doing the work on myself, I now know that that’s not possible. However, the little girl inside me still, you know, it’s still awkward and it’s still not nice when you just know people are not vibing with you. So. As you can probably tell, I can be bit of a talker and because of my ADHD, I get really excited about things and.

 

If something excites me, I can like kind of just start talking. And then I’m like, oh shit, I’m talking too much. And I can see people looking at me and I’m trying to be inclusive. there’s all these things happening in my head. And but I had paid like a lot of money to join this mastermind, like 30, 30 K. OK. And that’s 30,000. mean, I was determined I was going to get the most from this. And I’m not just going to sit back and be a, know, if I invest in myself to join a program.

 

I’m not going to wait for the coach to tell me what to do. I’m going to take the bull by the horns and I’m going to go, OK, I’ve invested in myself here a significant amount of money. What do I need to do to get the most out of this? And for me, I like to ask questions. I’m very curious. So when we were at the event, as things were popping up, know, there was a lot of things, you know, when sometimes speakers are speaking and you might not be clear on what they’re saying and you can see confused faces.

 

I’m the person who put my hand up and go, can I just pause and just clarify this and try to get the answer? So I would have done that a couple of times. And I had people who came up to me afterwards and like, you know, the type guys, I’m that I’m that person. OK, I’m the person in the crowd that does that. And I had some kind of like quieter people come up to me afterwards and say, thank you so much for asking those questions. That’s exactly what was on my mind, too.

 

Lucy Gernon (12:16.098)

But I didn’t really want to. didn’t want to. didn’t have the confidence to speak in front of a room that size. And I was like, sure. But then I obviously know in life, there’s always polarity. And I, you know, when someone said that to me, I instantly knew there was obviously going to be people there that maybe felt like she’s the new girl. She’s she’s asking questions like there was a little bit clicky, like some of these people know each other, you know, couple of years. But I didn’t care. OK.

 

I didn’t care because I was doing it from a place of kindness and intention. So it would have been really easy for me to shrink. And a group of us were together afterwards. And I could tell that one particular lady in the group, just, was very obvious that she didn’t like, she didn’t fight with me. and I know that because we were kind of walking together on the way in to where we were sitting and she would let you went to the other side of the table.

 

So I got curious rather than kind of thinking to myself, she has an issue with me. I got curious with myself and I went, okay, she’s been in this group for two years. I’m this new person who’s come in. I was, you know, getting, I’m not going to say attention, but like I was having good conversations with some quote unquote important people in the room. And I thought, well, if that was me, maybe I might.

 

be a little bit like, who does she think she is vibe, right? Maybe I might be a little bit like, like that. So we were we were sitting at dinner and I, you know, some of us were staying in a house together and I just was like so grateful for the friendships I formed. And I went around the table and I just said, listen, I’d love to know everybody what your highlight, what was your highlight of this retreat? And everybody shared something really nice. And this particular person said something along the lines of

 

You know, was really nice. You know, I really enjoyed it. You know, some old faces from new some new faces. And she looked at all the new faces. And then she said, like such and such, she was kind of beside her. And I was the only person that she didn’t make eye contact with. And I know this because I asked the question strategically on purpose just to test like, I was I am I right here? Am I feeling things? So she didn’t make eye contact with me, even though I was the one who asked the question to the group.

 

Lucy Gernon (14:33.358)

So instantly I went, ah, okay, there’s something here. So instead of me getting defensive or saying she’s this, she’s that, I decided to lean into who I really am and to bring my vulnerability to the table. So I shared and I said, well, my highlight has been getting to know you all. I said, I felt really nervous coming over here. I felt really vulnerable. I said, I flew halfway across the world to be here.

 

And obviously you all know each other a lot longer. And I just decided to be myself. And I called it out. didn’t look at her, but I called it out and I said, it’s not easy, you know, to do this. And I understand that not everyone is going to vibe with me, but I’d rather, you know, be my full self than I diluted version of who I really am. And I kind of just left it at that. And I just said, I’m grateful for everybody. And I made eye contact with everybody. So.

 

After that, when we were leaving the space, this person literally came straight over to me and it was a different conversation. It was a totally different conversation. She was warm. She started asking me questions. And so the moral of my story is, is that sometimes in life, your vulnerability is your strength and.

 

Maybe in certain situations, it’s not everything. Maybe if I was in a boardroom trying to do a deal, I’m not going to be vulnerable. I’m going to bring my powerhouse boss energy, right? But in this situation, it was appropriate where it was appropriate and it really, really worked. So I just wanted to share that story with you because I know that sometimes when, especially if you start new jobs or you move up in senior leadership and there’s less females there.

 

It can be so easy to see each other as competition. Whereas if you see each other as collaborators and you be the one who’s, you know, I lead with empathy and vulnerability. It’s part of who I am. And that feels right for you. Do it because we know that when you are more empathetic, when you’re more vulnerable, actually you are it’s all backed in science that you will form better relationships. You’ll be a higher performer.

 

Lucy Gernon (16:47.682)

When you lean into your strengths, you’re going, which is positive psychology, you’ll be, you know, you’ll flourish as a human. So I suppose the moral of the story is, that when you’re in networking situations, I think what’s really important is to recognize that your vulnerability is your strength and you can choose. Like I went to the extreme of really, really sharing how I felt, but I’ve done a lot of the inner work in terms of being able to protect myself, no matter what the outcome of that conversation was.

 

So think it’s really important that you remember that. think as women, we are better together. And, you know, I think the big lesson for me in that situation is that people can’t judge you if they don’t know you. And if they do judge you, they’re judging you based on a version of you based on their own lens, not your truth, not who you really are. And

 

We have to lead the way like we have to insert ourselves with good intentions, even if it’s uncomfortable. And, know, I see this all the time in 360 leaders club. I see women who have never done any group coaching experiences and are feeling a little daunted and a little nervous sometimes. That’s OK. That’s normal. But I promise you the reason that maybe you’re feeling stuck is because you close yourself off. It’s because you.

 

think you have to be perfect or you’re afraid to lean into your vulnerability. And I believe your vulnerability is your So my message to you today is like, don’t wait. You be the one who makes the first move. If you go to networking events, you know, my top tip would be to get curious and be more interested than interesting. Start to think about, you know, questions that you could ask, do your research and who’s going to be there.

 

Don’t worry so much about you having the perfect elevator pitch. Have like a story. People want to know who you are, not what you do. So have like a powerful story prepared that will either make people laugh or will, you know, make you memorable in some way by evoking some emotion. So. That’s it for this week’s episode. I honestly, I just kind of felt called for for the for me to share this with you today. I just think.

 

Lucy Gernon (19:02.73)

expanding your network is is really, really, really important. think getting yourself out there and getting yourself into rooms with other women who are not in your industry or who are not in your organization really can expand your way of thinking, your way of being. And with that being said, hot off the press, but I am hosting a an event in September.

 

Full disclosure right now, as I’m recording this episode, I haven’t actually booked it yet. It’s going to be in Dublin in Ireland. I have two dates in September. And at this event, it’s going to be super special. I’m going to be connecting you with other women in senior leadership. There’ll be members of my 360 Leaders Club who are going to be there as well. I’m going to have some amazing speakers, some fabulous food. this event is actually going to be a charity event. I’ve decided as well where all the profits are going to go to charity. So listen.

 

I don’t even have a landing page for this yet. You can’t buy the ticket as I’m recording this. Maybe it will be live. Maybe there’ll be an ad on the podcast when you listen to this. But if there’s not, just send me a DM with the word event and you will be I’ll put you on the priority waitlist that we will definitely get you a ticket when they get released. OK, because I’d love to meet you. My lovely podcast listener. I I love connecting with you because we have like we have a special relationship here on the show. We

 

We get deep, we get tactical, we get strategic, and we have some fun. So imagine if we were together in person, how exciting that would be. So DM me the word event, and I will add you to our wait list or our guest list or send you the ticket details whenever this comes out. And I look forward to hopefully meeting you in person sometime really soon. All right. That’s it for this week’s episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast. Until then, take care. Bye for now.