#166 What to Do When You Get Cut Off By a Peer at a Meeting

Lucy Gernon (00:00)
What do do when you get cut off by a peer at a leadership team meeting? We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of making a great point and boom, he or she cuts you off mid-sentence. Sound familiar? It happens all the time in the corporate world, but the way you handle it can either elevate your presence as a leader or make you feel and look invisible.

Now, being interrupted in meetings isn’t just rude. It’s sometimes a subtle way that people can assert their dominance. So in this week’s episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast, I’m going to be sharing what’s really going on for the other person when it’s happening, how I recommend that you handle it in the moment and how to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. So whenever you’re ready, head over to the episode. hope you enjoy.

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast. And today I am really excited to be talking about something that comes up all the time, which is women feeling that they’re not seen and they’re not heard in meetings where there is a lot of dominant energy around them. the strategies I’m going to share with you today, I feel like are going to be really empowering for you. And I’m going to be giving you some tips as well on how to handle it in the moment.

So please be sure to stick around because the third one in particular, I’m going to be giving you five tips, but the third one in particular, I think you’re going to be like, my God, why did I not use that before? So I think you’re really going to enjoy it. And as always, do not miss my Sunday night newsletter because I’m going to be sharing my go to framework for reclaiming your voice in any meeting in this week’s newsletter. It’s totally free. So just head over to lucygarnon.com forward slash newsletter to sign up.

or I will link it in the show notes. You are welcome. So let’s get into this. And I first I want to kind of just share a little story with you because I worked obviously in the corporate world for, gosh, about 17 years, I think, before I started my own company. And I want you to imagine this, right? You’re I’m in a lovely meeting room. There was like lovely windows. You know, we had tea, we had coffee. And I was in this meeting with some peers performing a

really critical risk assessment for a critical project, right? Isn’t everything critical? But this one really, really was. We had, everyone was there, everyone had their laptops. There was about, I’d say about 12 of us in the room and we had the flip charts out. We had the tea and the coffee and we were all ready to go. know, we were kind of, we all in a good enough place. Now, there was one particular lady on the team who

was extremely dominant and I used to find her quite intimidating because she was so knowledgeable and she would have been the expert in this particular area. However, in my area, which I was there to represent, I was the expert and we we did agree a lot, but there were times where, you know, I was kind of shut down. So in this particular meeting, I’m sitting there and.

Like this particular person had been talking for a good like 10 minutes, like answering everything. And I really couldn’t get an edge word in edge ways. And then in one particular line item on the lovely long spreadsheet, I decided to share my idea. And just as I began to share it, she jumped in and talked over me. And I was just like, did did she just interrupt me again? Did anyone else even notice? Like, do I push back?

Do I let it go? Like, what do I do? So in the moment, I tried to stay composed, but I felt really annoyed and disrespected because I knew what I was going to share was really valuable. However, at the time, I just didn’t have the confidence to address it until the next day when we were in the meeting again and she did it again, I decided to change tack because I had gone home the previous night and I was fuming with my husband. I was like, like.

I didn’t even get to say this thing. It was really important to could it really help? Like, why didn’t I just speak up? I realized that because of her dominant energy and because of my internal narrative about her being more, you know, capable than I was, and she had more information and she was older, she had lot more experience. Like, who am I to say whatever? But I actually knew that the point I need to make was really valuable. So the next day I decided to address it directly with her.

And before the meeting, I called her aside nicely and I just basically said to her, listen, yesterday I noticed that when I went to share this point about this particular thing, you spoke over me and I didn’t get to actually make my point. And to be honest, that kind of made me feel like I wasn’t contributing and I didn’t feel it was quite collaborative. So I was hoping today that maybe we could try to work together a little bit better to ensure that all of our voices are heard.

Now she was quite taken aback by this. was obvious that nobody had ever really said anything to her about this before. And this was about five to 10 and we went into the meeting at 10 and she was a little bit quiet. However, the meeting went so smoothly and I could see as the meeting progressed, like she was a little bit peeved. However, I was very inclusive and I started to ask everybody at the table. And at the end of the day, we ended up with a really, really robust risk assessment.

And afterwards, it was about two weeks later, I saw her again and it was just back to normal as if nothing had happened. So the moral of the story is, that like, just because somebody interrupts you or cuts you off, first of all, doesn’t mean you have to take it. But second of all, I want to explain why people interrupt. So if you’re multitasking, come back to me, because sometimes we think when people are interrupting us, it’s because what we have to say is invaluable.

Whereas what I know, especially as a coach who I’ve studied hundreds of hours of psychology and all of that stuff around mindset to understand how the human mind works. And what I know is usually it’s actually nothing to do with you. It’s all to do with them. OK, so why do people interrupt? Firstly, I think it’s important to remember that it’s not actually always malicious. So some people can be over enthusiastic and they’re excited and they jump in too soon.

I am putting up my hand here because that is one of my biggest weaknesses is if I have an idea, I can get so enthusiastic. I will just like speak over somebody. And I have told my team, I’ve asked them that if I do that to please tell me because like I shared with you as well, I am pretty sure of ADHD and I am going to be assessed soon. And it feels like sometimes people who are neurodivergent, especially ADHD, if you have a thought.

and it comes to you. It’s like if you don’t say it now, you feel like it’s going to be lost forever. Whereas what I’m trying to train myself to do now is to have a pen and paper and jot down the note that I have so that I don’t interrupt people as much. So a lot of the time it is just over enthusiasm. Another reason is as well, it can just be due to lack of awareness. It’s not because what you have to say is not valuable. They don’t even realize that they’ve cut you off, right? And then other as well, it can be due to like a poor meeting culture.

which is why leadership is so, so important, inclusive leadership, because these bad habits can just be normalized. And I think it’s really important that there’s so much speak and talk about inclusion as a buzzword. But really, guys, it’s so important as leaders to make sure that all voices are heard. And it’s so simple. Like, it’s not like a big thing. All you need to do is just set a powerful intention to be inclusive.

And even if somebody cuts you off and starts speaking, you can cut them off and you can say, sorry, John, I just want to pause you there. Mary, were you going to say something about that? Literally as simple as that and bring somebody else into the conversation if you don’t want to, you know, do it yourself. Now, sometimes not going to lie, it is power play. So excuse me.

It can be like a subtle way to assert dominance or maybe undermine your authority. And it can happen when if somebody thinks your idea is good, they may feel threatened. So what I really think is those big personalities that you’re saying, why are they interrupting me or they interrupted me and they took my idea. It’s I would take that as a compliment because it means that you’re probably doing something right.

but it doesn’t mean you have to take it. Okay? It doesn’t mean you have to take it. Cause we all know that type. They think they’re on the stage of the Oscars half the time. But anyway. So I want you to understand is sometimes it’s not maliciousness. It can be neurodivergence. It can be over enthusiasm or they may feel threatened by you. Okay? So now you might be wondering, okay, cool. I understand that a little bit. Now what do I do? Like, how do I handle it? So I’m going to give you five tips. Okay?

And the third tip, I think, is something you’re probably not doing, and I invite you to definitely do it. OK. So the first thing is in the moment, I invite you to stay calm. Take a breath and resist the urge to get defensive or get flustered. You’ve got this. Do not let them throw you off. Do not let them take away your power. Do not let that inner critic pop up and start telling you that you’re not good enough and

They cut you off because of this. That’s a story that is not going to help you. I invite you to reclaim the floor. So get into a habit of when it happens, don’t like fester or feel sorry for yourself or go into victim mode. I’m talking to you. Don’t go into victim mode confidently, but of course, politely say, hold on a sec, John. I’d like to finish my thought before we move on. Or you could say something like,

I just like to pause. I’m not done yet. I’d love to hear your thoughts after I finish. I’ve just got one more thing I need to say. And then you continue. And it’s about using it with a powerful energy. And you may need to shift your own body language to actually be able to say it powerfully. If you come from a place of being anxious, less than, not good enough, people can smell it mile off. And that’s something that blew my mind when I became a coach and I learned about all of this stuff.

is that if you’re feeling like you’re not confident or you’re feeling like less than your sixth sense as humans, we can pick it up, right? We’ve all been there. So you can use your body language. You can lean in very slightly. You can hold eye contact. You can, you know, roll your shoulders back, make sure that your head is kind of just slightly up and use your body language to take up space. Even if it’s on teams, you can still take up space. OK, you deserve to take up space.

once obviously what you’re saying is going to add value and not going to cause an argument. The second thing then is that’s in the moment, right? So then what I invite you to do is after the meeting is to really think about it. And if you need to do it, pull your pair aside and just address it one to one. Now, this is a hard thing to do.

But if you do it, it is going to prevent it. Just like what I did with the lady I shared with you at the start is she didn’t even realize she was doing it right. She was so used to having the floor. She was the expert. We all know the ones. I’m definitely that person sometimes too. And I would hate for anyone to feel like, you know, they weren’t being cut off because I really value inclusion. And I know that you probably do too. So pull the person aside and say something like.

I noticed you cut me off a few times during the meeting and I just want to make sure that we’re both being heard equally. Like how can we ensure that going forward do you think? Throw the ball back to them, okay? The third thing then is long-term prevention. And this is the one I said that I doubt most of you are doing. So it’s about setting expectations in advance. So this is about you as a leader, actually being a leader and not being a follower.

So if you’re leading meetings, create ground rules for communication. And if they’re already there, reiterate them at the start of every single meeting. So you could set a ground rule at the start of your meetings where it’s like, okay, so we’re gonna be talking about this. I know there’s a lot of opinions that are in the room. There’s gonna be so much value and say it in a non-judgmental way. Let’s make sure everyone gets a chance to finish their thoughts before we all jump in. How does that sound? Yeah? Cool.

And then you kind of move on. So setting those expectations at the start of the meetings. And even if you’re not the chair, you can still, as the meeting starts, say, guys, can we pause for a sec? I just noticed in our last meeting, a lot of us, OK, us, not you, a lot of us were talking over each other. And I think we should all make sure everyone gets a chance to finish their thoughts. What do you think? Everyone’s going to say yes. And then that’s your ground rule at the start. OK.

The fourth thing, then, is when you speak, you need to set a powerful intention to speak with clarity and confidence from the start, because your voice matters and the tone in which you speak matters even more when you’re feeling intimidated, because when you’re intimidated or you’re feeling like what you have to say doesn’t matter or whatever the story is you’re telling yourself.

That’s the time that needs to trigger. OK, if I’m feeling this way, that means I need to step into more confidence because confidence sells. I say this on the podcast all the time, the confidence sells. And if you are have the best ideas or data in the world, if you’re not sharing it with confidence, people are not going to listen. OK. And then the fifth thing is, is to like find an ally. Right. So the next time you’re going into those meetings.

Have an ally there with you. have a colleague or somebody that will have your back if this is a recurring issue. So you’re going to have people that you’re in meetings with that you can have a chat with. And you could say something like, listen, I know I noticed that John keeps cutting me off. Would you do me a favor? If he cuts me off, would you mind just jumping in and having my back on it? And I’ll do the same for you. Because sometimes it just takes another person to disrupt

the flow and the dynamic that’s been happening. OK, so they’re the five tips that I will give you for today. So it’s all about staying calm. It’s all about, you know, reclaiming the floor, following up after the meeting, setting your expectations and really strengthen your presence and then finding those allies that you can that can have your back in those meetings if it’s happening all of the time. Now, if this is an issue for you all of the time.

Interruptions can happen, but honestly, like how you respond will really change the dynamic. And if you want something to change, lovely lady, you’ve got to do something different. So if you want to go even deeper on this in this week’s newsletter, which is coming out tonight, I’m going to be sharing my framework for reclaiming your voice in any meeting. So it’s free. It’s quick and it’s packed with practical tips as always. So head over to lucygarnon.com forward slash newsletter.

and you can sign up. And if this resonated with you this episode, please consider sharing it with a colleague or a friend. Literally do it right now. Just grab the link, share the episode, send it to your team, send it to your female leaders, send it to your ERG leads, like post on LinkedIn if you felt inspired by it, because we can change meeting cultures together one step at a time, the more women that we get this show to. So that’s it for this week’s episode of the show.

I just want to remind you that you deserve to be heard. It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about asserting your value. And I know that you’ve been in industry for many, many years. You have value to bring. You have opinions that are valid and you deserve your seat at the table. So please don’t, don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever let anyone take that from you. Not in a meeting, not anywhere. And don’t forget, I’ll be breaking this down further in the newsletter.

with the steps to handle interruptions. So sign up at lucygarden.com forward slash newsletter so that you can read them and have them any time you want. So that’s it for this week’s episode of the show. Until next time, be safe, be well. Bye for now.