#207 Are you Leading or Just Surviving? The Silent Trap Women at Senior Level Fall Into

Lucy Gernon (00:02)

Are you leading or just surviving? That’s exactly what I’m going to be discussing in this week’s episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast, because you might look successful on the outside, but feel like you’re constantly in reactive mode. You might be praised for your work ethic, but maybe it’s coming at a cost for yourself, your family, your well-being or even your sense of self. You might be watching others get ahead while you’re doing all the right things, but maybe you’re feeling overlooked.

 

So in this week’s episode of the show, I’m going to give it to you straight. You know me

 

no fluff. I’m going to be direct with you. But my whole goal in this episode is to help you to unlock your own answers, because maybe you are thriving at senior leadership level, but I want you to know that if you’re not, there is an easier way. And that’s exactly what we’re going to be discussing in this week’s episode of the show.

 

Hello, lovely lady and welcome back to another episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast. I cannot believe that we are in November and we are getting into the Christmas spirit. I am so excited. I went to Centre Parks last week with my family over Halloween break and it was just so cool. If you’re in Ireland, well, Centre Parks is in the UK, I believe as well and maybe in Europe, but I’m not sure about the US.

 

But it’s like a big kind of a how do I describe it? It’s a big forest with loads of cabins and loads of activities to do for the kids. Like, you know, there’s zip lining. There’s a massive pool with slides. I have kids from nine to 18 now, which is crazy. My son just turned 18 in October. I cannot even believe I’m saying that. So I’m just back from a beautiful family break in Central Park. And I was talking to a few of the girls in 360 before I booked and I was telling them that I booked an executive lodge.

 

because it has like a sauna, it has a outdoor hot tub, it has a steam room, it has a games room. I did it with myself and my sister and my husband, obviously, as well. And we kind of split the bill together, which made it a little bit easier. But all I’ll say is if you go to centre parks, I would so recommend getting that upgrade if you can. But the only issue is once you do it, you’ll never go back because it was just so good. Like we were outside in the hot tub looking up at the stars and then getting into the sauna and

 

The kids are playing pool and it was just wonderful. So I’m really revived. The kids are going back to school. Thank the Lord. And I am ready now to start thinking about Christmas prep. I’m having all my family for Christmas dinner this year, my in-laws and my my own family as well. And yeah, I’m just really looking forward to it. The house is going to be madness. But yeah, it just really got me thinking about how lucky I am to, I suppose, have the headspace and have a good team around me that I’m able to.

 

really focus on Christmas and really focus on the things that I want to do. And even when I worked in corporate after I’ve told you my story many times, when I went through burnout and I realized I was giving so much of myself to the company and not enough to myself, I knew something had to change. And when I began to set boundaries,

 

I actually got more respect and the year I started pushing back more and started thinking more about my life, I actually got promoted. I got a lovely long term incentive grant with a lovely percentage bonus. And it just really proved to me like, wow, I was hustling for so long for what? So I have a powerful question for you today, lovely lady. Are you truly leading or are you just surviving? Today, I really want you to think on that because

 

There is a success trap that no one really talks about. It’s like you’re nearly expected to perform at a certain level when you’re in senior leadership. You’re, know, let me see, does this sound familiar to you? You’re constantly juggling. You’re in back-to-back meetings. You’re managing a team. You’re mentoring others. You’re picking up the slack. Everyone sees you as capable, competent, and maybe even calm under pressure. But inside, maybe you’re overthinking every email.

 

You’re skipping lunch again, or you’re working late again, or, you know, your, your president or your VP or your director calls you and says, I need this presentation tomorrow. And we have to have a meeting at like seven o’clock in the morning. There’s no other time that works for this VP. And you are there going, who’s going to buy my kids or I can’t get to the office on time because I’m supposed to have a gym session.

 

You’re trying to always be on at work and at home. And I know that you are definitely giving 110 percent. What are you getting back what you’re putting in? And, you know, money can be a driver and the golden handcuffs in corporate are absolutely real. You know, it’s strategically designed to nearly entrap us in the corporate world. And let me just say, like, there’s some amazing companies out there.

 

And I believe that we create our own culture in corporations. believe you are a leader in your organization and you get to influence change. But there’s too many people who are allowing themselves to be led and who are people pleasing instead of actually leading. But that’s not your fault if that does sound like you, because usually it comes from, you know, childhood trauma or, you know,

 

that boss that told you X, Y and Z and you didn’t feel you were good enough and all of these things that I absolutely love helping women to break through on. But it is a success trap where you are achieving externally, but maybe internally you’re feeling depleted. And it’s so common, especially for women at senior level. McKinsey have done studies in their women and workplace reports many times which show over and over again that women take on more emotional labor.

 

We take on more of the people stuff. We take on more like extracurricular things and organizations. But yet we don’t get the recognition. And in the meantime, oftentimes our male counterparts are getting promoted and getting opportunities because they’re being strategic and because they are actually leading. So I suppose my invitation for you today is really to think about

 

your own conditioning because

 

If you have been conditioned growing up is usually where it starts. And then, you know, when you go into a workplace, things can happen. If you have been conditioned to be everything to everyone, to be grateful for the opportunity to not rock the boat or to over deliver, and you’ve got to a certain level and maybe you’re thinking, like, I should be happy. Here’s the truth. You can be a high performer. You can be at senior leadership level.

 

You can have a big fat bank account or a big fat share of portfolio, but you can still be under fulfilled. And if you’re multitasking, come back to me because this is important. I want to talk to you today a little bit about the cost of staying in survival mode. So we’re almost at the end of 2025. And I know you probably promised yourself that this year would be different. And there are so many costs.

 

For example, your health, poor sleep, constant cortisol spikes due to stress, anxiety, this low level anxiety that you constantly have or this feeling in your stomach or the tension in your shoulders or the anxiety you’re feeling. It’s just masked as ambition.

 

the other one is relationships. Maybe you’re snapping at your partner or feeling guilty when you’re with your kids. You’re not even present.

 

or just disconnected? And what about your your sense of well-being, your sense of self-worth, your sense of serenity and peace within yourself, your confidence, doubting yourself, over-preparing, playing small, people pleasing?

 

What about your time working? You know, one of my clients was saying to me recently, her name is Sandra, she was on the podcast and she was saying that she was the queen of to-do lists.

 

And she had to-do lists about to-do lists and she worked until 10 o’clock at night a lot of the time to catch up on the day. Like your time is your most valuable resource and work is not the be all and end all. Maybe you’re on emails in the evenings and I know you probably have no space to think strategically or at least you think you don’t. And what about your potential? Because I know if you’re listening to my show, you are a high achiever.

 

because people don’t listen to leadership podcasts. Most people are listening to like, you know, comedy podcasts like I do and stuff or like stuff that’s entertaining as maybe a little bit of that as well. But if you’re listening to a professional personal development podcast, I know you have untapped potential. That’s why you’re here. Right.

 

But maybe you’re missing out on opportunities. Maybe you’re missing out on visibility and getting involved in.

 

you know, influencing strategy, strategic decisions, maybe it’s promotions and watching others with half your talent who skip out the door, rise because they own their worth, because they’re able to set boundaries and because they’re able to have difficult conversations that feel uncomfortable. Now, I know that you didn’t work this hard just to survive. I know that you didn’t.

 

go through all those shitty bosses to climb your way to senior leadership, to get there and to have a consume your life in a way that doesn’t serve you. Right. Like because I know that you can still be a high performer and you can deliver with excellence. I’ve seen it time and time again with the hundreds of women that I have coached at this stage over the last five years. And in 360LitersTub I see it all of the time. You know, the girls are for the most part making time for themselves. They are

 

present with family in the evenings, they are going to the gym, they are using the community to hold themselves accountable. They use the tools on time management and productivity. you know, set better boundaries. They use our AI hacks to like improve their productivity. All of it. It’s so possible for you as well. It’s so, possible, but you’ve got to open your mind. First of all, you’ve got to realize like, is there a problem? Because maybe there isn’t a problem.

 

Maybe you’re like, Lucy, none of this lands at me. I have loads of time. I make space for strategic work every single week. I have so much time for my kids, for my partner. I do things to take care of myself. I feel so confident at work. I have no issue setting boundaries with those above me. If that’s you, I could ask you to come on the show and you can tell our listeners your secrets. But in the majority of cases, because I know when I was in corporate, you become conditioned by the culture.

 

and by the asks. And I really truly believe that as women leaders, you have a responsibility to the generation of women who are looking up to you to set better boundaries, to shape culture, to get into like, stop thinking about time and start thinking more about results. It’s a huge thing that I teach in 360. That’s going to just change the game for you. So let’s see if this is you or not. Let’s say I’m going to go through three signs that you’re actually leading from survival.

 

instead of actually leading. The first sign is that you’re constantly saying yes to last minute requests from seniors, from your peers, even when you want to say no, or you don’t think they’re that important. Or maybe you’re worried about being seen as a difficult or not a team player. So for example, I had a client recently who was asked who had sent off slides to one of her seniors.

 

and the company in a little bit of financial trouble at the moment. And she is at a senior director level and she sent off the slides and immediately she gets a message from, it was from her boss’s boss saying, okay, you need to be on a call at like half seven in the morning to go through these slides. And I was going, really? Like, this is the culture. And she was like, yeah, she has questions. And I asked her one thing. I was like, do you use this particular tool?

 

So it’s a tool I use in my business all the time. And she was like, no, there’s nobody in my company using this. There’s nobody communicating in this way. And I was like, right, here’s what to do. So I told her exactly what I do and what I would recommend and how she could avoid this meeting. And what happened was the SVP that got the information from her in a different way was absolutely thrilled and said there was no need for her to get a babysitter for her kids at 7.30 in the morning.

 

So this is what happens when you challenge yourself. You do not have to say yes to everything, but you do need to deliver the ask. And that’s what I’m all about. Not about this, like, let’s set boundaries and let’s not, no, no, no, no. It’s like you’re hired to do a job. You’ve got to do it, but there’s so many smarter ways that I would love to be able to share with you. The second sign is that you’re the dependable one, but no one asks how you’re doing.

 

actually trained everyone to think that you don’t need help and you’ve got it all under control. But do you?

 

the third sign is that you just don’t feel like yourself at work. You’re showing up in a way that’s very corporate and polished and professional, but not really authentic. And maybe you’ve lost your spark a little bit. Maybe you’re exhausted. You’re tired. So if even one of those hit home with you, I want you to know, first of all, you’re absolutely not alone.

 

And this is exactly why I created 360Liters Club. Now today is not about pitching, it’s about waking up. So let’s wake the F up because you only have one life and when you become aware and you actually get honest with yourself about where you’re at, you can choose differently. So imagine if you were speaking up on meetings without rehearsing it 10 times in your head or worse.

 

If you’re like me, no filter, blurting something out and then overthinking afterwards. Why did I say that? Imagine if you were able to actually log off at five or six o’clock for the most part and not feeling guilty. Like, don’t get me wrong, guys. I don’t paint a picture of perfection. You know, you’re going to have times where you’re going to have to travel or there’s going to be a customer problem or an audit, whatever it is. And we all have to dig deep in those times. But they should be the exception, not the rule.

 

Imagine if you were able to say no and still deliver without over explaining yourself. Imagine if you were leading with confidence and presence and less self-doubt and pressure. Like this is not some fantasy. This is honestly what is so possible when you start stop trying to fix yourself and start supporting yourself because you don’t need to do more. You just need to lead differently. And it all starts with asking yourself.

 

You know, we’re coming into the end of the year, which is when people start thinking about next year. But you don’t need to wait till next year to make changes because you cannot keep pushing change out because there’s always a reason to leave it. There’s always a reason to drag your heels. But you do need to get clear in your vision. So ask yourself, what do I want the next six months to look like? And what steps or changes do I need to begin to make today, now?

 

to make that happen. Now I have something coming really soon that’s gonna help with this and you’re going to love it and it’s free. It is not a masterclass. It is something I have never done before. And I am beyond excited if you’re listening to this live. in November, 2025, I have something coming in the next couple of weeks. I swear I am.

 

I’m just so excited about this. It’s going to be for women in senior leadership like you. I’m going to help you get off the hamster wheel. We are going to be doing so many cool things. I’m just not going to give it away. But if you want to be first to hear, you’ve got to be on my email list on my weekly newsletter. So head over to lucygarnon.com forward slash newsletter. We will link it below in the show notes. But this is where I share the real stuff. I share personal insights. I share tips. I share leadership tools. My mindset mantras for the week. Everything you need that

 

just is going to set you up for success. I give you ⁓ exclusive resources that go beyond the podcast. And also you’ll get an email every Wednesday reminding you about this podcast so you never miss an episode. this is your sign to stop surviving and start leading like the freaking powerhouse that you really are. So head over to lucygarnon.com forward slash newsletter and I will be making my announcement very, very soon.

 

So that’s it for this week’s episode of the show.

 

I know we got deep. We haven’t done this in a while, but I feel like it’s the time of year where you need to start to reflect. Are you in alignment with yourself? Are you happy in your career and in your life? And if you’re not, what are you going to do about it? So until next week, lovely lady, be safe, be bold and be unapologetically you. I look forward to seeing you again next week. Same time, same place. Bye for now.