#211 3 Signs You’re Trapped by the Golden Handcuffs as a Female Leader

Lucy Gernon (00:27.712)

It’s December and you might be thinking a lot about your career and where you’re going in it. And there is a very dark side to high paying corporate leadership roles for women that honestly really needs to be spoken about more. I personally had a really successful corporate career for many years, leading projects and teams and big decisions. And when I was a mother of three, there was honestly such a dark side to it all because when you earn good money, it is very easy for you to give away your personal power to your paycheck.

 

And I know I used to tell myself I was doing it for my family and I realized, well, what good was it if I wasn’t even present, if I wasn’t taking care of my health? And there was three signs that I noticed in myself that I now see in other women that are telltale sign that the golden handcuffs have you trapped. And in today’s episode of the 360 Leadership Podcast, I’m going to be talking about just that. No judgment, nothing like that. But awareness is the key to the first step so you can actually do something about it.

 

Lucy Gernon (01:35.2)

Welcome back to the 360 Leadership Podcast. I am Lucy Garnon. And if you’re new here, this is where ambitious women in corporate and senior leadership come to lead with confidence and live with balance. So whether you’re a senior manager, associate director in a large multinational or whether you’re a C level person who is leading a small to medium enterprise, you are very welcome here. Once you are a woman leader and you are high achieving, it does not matter what your level or industry is. This show is absolutely for you.

 

So I’m recording this for the first week in December. I cannot believe that we are here and I’m feeling really, really reflective, like properly reflective because you know what? This time four years ago, almost to the day, I officially quit my corporate career. I clocked out for the very last time. I hand back my badge and it was such a huge moment for me. And it’s mad to think about it now because I had been side hustling my coaching business for about a year before that.

 

I was sneaking in clients in the evenings. I was writing content at 5 a.m. before the kids woke up and using my annual leave to go to start my own business courses and things like that, the full shebang. And I remember in December of 2020 in particular so clearly because it was I made the decision before I left about a year before I left, which was the December prior. So I left in December 2021, but I had decided

 

pretty much Christmas the year before. Back then, like my side hustle had started to take off and I had this brilliant corporate job and the golden handcuffs were in full effect. I had the salary, the pension, the long-term incentive grants, shares, the security. And around that time, obviously we had just, we were still in COVID, we were still in the pandemic and there was so much uncertainty. But something my husband said to me really, really stuck with me.

 

And that was Lucy, believe in you and you’re going to make this work either way. But which version of you do the kids get to see? And that kind of hit differently because I had realized back in December, 2021, a year before I left, that I had been giving so much of my soul to my organization and to my team and to delivering at all costs. I had forgotten about me. And so for a year before I left.

 

Lucy Gernon (04:00.283)

I decided to prioritize myself. And the reason I shared this with you is because the interesting thing was in the year that I was building my side hustle and I decided to care a little bit more about me and what I wanted and a little bit less about what the business wanted. I actually delivered more. And here’s why, because I use a principle that I teach in 360 and we call it results focused thinking.

 

where instead of looking at the time you’re spending on things, you’re actually trying to look at the results. And that’s something that obviously anyone who’s listening 360, you’ll know we get into this a lot in terms of productivity. So I decided to like use my own tools that I had developed back then. I was far more productive. I was far less emotional. And that year I delivered more and I actually got outperformed. So it’s kind of crazy to me that you can absolutely

 

be strategic with your time, you can focus on what matters most, and then you can still get recognition. Now for me, it was time to leave the corporate world because I just knew I was meant to do more, but it’s not right for everybody and that is not what I’m suggesting. But I want you today to really pause as we end the year and think about where you’re at because if you are given all of your energy to work, what’s left over for you?

 

what’s left over for your family, your loved ones, your partners. And, you know, here I am four years later and I’ve had hundreds of women navigate these golden handcuffs. Some of them have quit like I did, but the vast majority have completely transformed how they show up in their roles. And they have honestly, like they’ve negotiated situations that actually work for them. They are more happy. They have more time. Many of them have been promoted and

 

Above all else, they’re happy and they’re feeling fulfilled. So I want you to know that if you are feeling trapped by the golden handcuffs and you’re like, my God, I just need change. I need to do something. I’m not sure what it is. I hope you stay tuned today and I hope you enjoy it. But the first step today, like we are going to talk about is the uncomfortable truth about what these golden handcuffs are really costing you, because, lovely lady, someone’s got to tell you. So.

 

Lucy Gernon (06:21.41)

Let’s talk about the dark side that nobody talks about. And I want you to, I want to really paint a picture of what the golden handcuffs actually looked like because it’s all, it’s not always fully obvious. So you’ve got the salary. Maybe you’re on multi six figures. Maybe you’re on six figures. Doesn’t matter. You’ve got the title. That sounds impressive when you’re with your family or friends, even though they have no clue what you do, right? No clue what you do. You’ve got the pension, the benefits, and maybe you’ve got

 

A lovely load of savings and shares and on paper, you’re absolutely winning. Your parents are proud if they’re still around or your husband or your partner. You’ve got people who are proud of you and your team look up to you. You go to your LinkedIn and you see this job title and you’re like, oof, I made it. Young me would be super proud. And she should be, right? You worked hard to get where you are. But then there’s the other side, which is the side we don’t post about in LinkedIn.

 

It’s the Sunday night dredge that starts creeping in around four or five o’clock. It’s if you have kids, you’re missing the kids bedtime or if you are dating, you are putting off going out on dates or seeing your partner because work is taken over and you’re telling yourself it’s just a busy period and your people in your life, your friends are asking her where you are. If you’re okay, you’re probably declining meetings with them or meetings like going out for lunch with them.

 

Maybe you’ve even stopped taking care of yourself. Maybe you don’t get your nails done anymore like you used to or go for a little break. Maybe you haven’t checked in with yourself in months because you’ve been on the hamster wheel and maybe you’re the breadwinner or maybe you feel like you can’t step back because everybody’s depending on you. And this thing is like, is that I know some parts of your job you may even really annoy or enjoy them. Other parts annoy you.

 

You’re sitting in those big strategic meetings. You’re making important decisions. You’re shaping the direction of the company. You’re seeing the momentum and it can be very satisfying. And that’s why it’s so confusing. But when your work and your values are in conflict, when you’re working more than you’re playing and you’re working 50, 60, 70 hours a week as your normal, that’s when you know those golden handcuffs are getting tighter. And here’s what I wish somebody had told me sooner.

 

Lucy Gernon (08:45.826)

to get me out of this mindset rote I was stuck in for many, many years is that there is no salary, there is no stock option, there is no job title that is worth you sacrificing your health or your peace of mind because money is a renewable resource. For some reason, we think money is the be all and end all. But it’s not because you will always earn more money, but your time is depreciating minute by minute.

 

And here we are again at the end of another year. And only you know if you’re where you want to be. If you are listening to this episode today and you’re like, you know what, Lucy, I feel great with where I am. I am so happy for you. But today I really want to speak to the people who are maybe not so great at this time of year and who are starting to think about next year and what you’re going to do because your time is your most valuable resource. And when it’s gone, you can’t get it back. So.

 

Let’s start with the three signs. And it’s not all doom and gloom this episode. I promise you there is hope. And all as always, if you want to reach out to me about coaching or support for 2026, please feel free to reach out. All you’ve got to do is go to my website, lucygarden.com forward slash contact, or you can send an email to hello at lucygarden.com or literally send me a DM on Instagram and just say the word coach and I’ll know it’s you.

 

because you don’t have to do this alone if you feel like you need help. I’ve helped hundreds of women to get out of these golden handcuffs and have a really fulfilling career, a really fulfilling life. Honestly, like I’m just off a coaching call and the girls are all talking about how they’re booking spa weekends, how they’re getting their hair done, how they’re meeting their friends and running marathons. And they’re doing all of this while leading at senior level and they’re not feeling guilty. So I want you to really understand that. So

 

Let’s talk about the signs. The first one is you tell yourself it’s not that bad.

 

Lucy Gernon (10:51.264)

You know you’re not happy, but deep down in your bones, you know something’s off, but you keep minimizing it. And you’re probably saying things like, sure, I’m lucky to have this role. Like I am. It’s it’s a mental year. It’s been, you know, it’s a year end. Things are crazy. Aren’t I lucky? I have a job. Other people have it worse. But can I be direct with you? And I say this with nothing but pure love and heart. You’re gaslighting yourself.

 

And I know this because I did it for years. I normalized the stress, the overthinking, the putting off conversations with tricky colleagues that really stole my energy for far too long. Constantly feeling overwhelmed, emotionally checked out for my family and my friends. you kidding me? And neglected them for so long.

 

because I was terrified of what I would happen if I admitted it wasn’t working. Like, what if I couldn’t find another job or what if I let my family down and I’d gone to college and done all these things and I didn’t want to my team down. And I really cared about the organization I worked in. Like I was very invested in the organization and where it was going and the success of it. I was thinking I was ungrateful and what if, what if, what if. But staying in the wrong role just became familiar that is not security.

 

It’s just a trap for you. You’re literally choosing familiar misery over unknown possibility. I’m going to say that again. If this is landing with you, you are literally choosing familiar misery over unknown possibility. I had a client recently, I’m going to call her S and she’s a director in a big four firm.

 

And she told me that she’d been having stress headaches for two years, two years, but she kept telling herself it was just part of the job. I was like, no, my dear, that is your body rebelling against your choices. That’s not part of the job. That is a warning signal. So I’m curious for you, what’s your body telling you?

 

Lucy Gernon (13:02.466)

How long have you been telling yourself it’s not that bad? And what would have to happen for you to admit this? That’s just something to reflect on. So I’m gonna say that again, if you wanna pause it and get a pen, I would recommend your journal on this. How long have you been telling yourself it’s not that bad and what would have to happen for you to actually admit this? The second sign is then, this one’s uncomfortable, but we’re gonna go there.

 

You’re staying primarily for the money and the status. And listen, before you get defensive, because I can feel some of you are, the money is great and money is important. Do not get me wrong. It allows us to do things. It allows us to treat our families. It allows us to live well and it’s a nice reward. And I’m not pretending money doesn’t matter. It absolutely does when you have responsibilities. But here’s what I want you to consider. What’s the money actually costing you?

 

And are you actually investing any of that in you? Because when you’re better, everybody around you is better. And I see this, we were talking about this in 360 recently, how women do not invest in themselves and how sad it is that women feel guilty about investing in themselves. When I can tell you with absolute certainty, if you invest in yourself and you work with a coach like me, I promise you, if you find the right one, it might be me, it might be somebody else.

 

But I promise you, if you find the right coach, it will change your life. And it is OK to invest in you. It is OK to hire a coach to help you through something. All the successful, most successful leaders and entrepreneurs have coaches. I have multiple coaches, always have. Not saying I’m successful, but you know what I mean? It’s OK for you to spend your money on you, because when you’re better, everybody around you is better. This is the thing. Please get rid of this money mindset that

 

Money is so important, but you’re only working for your family for the bills. Like it’s OK to do something for you because. The money that you’re earning right now, is it costing you your health? When was the last time you went to bed with out your shoulders up around your ears, your head reeling from work and tension? When did you last go through a week without stress eating or wine o’clock becoming your only coping mechanism?

 

Lucy Gernon (15:25.014)

Is it costing you your presence with your kids? And I don’t just mean physically, I mean mentally present, not sitting at their football match on your teams, answering messages or Slack, whatever you use. Not listening to them because you’re thinking about replying to an email. Is it costing you relationships? One of my clients told me recently when she started with me that she said she felt like she was her husband said he felt like he was married to her job and

 

Not her. Like that hurt. It hurt her like she was quite upset. And that was the catalyst for her to go, OK, I’m going to get help. And I can promise you, after literally two weeks, she had made huge changes. In fact, I had somebody on a very first coaching call with me recently who left the call having booked a spa appointment, having cleared her calendar and having actually prioritized where she was going to focus in under one hour. Like that’s how that’s how quick things can change.

 

but you’ve got to recognize that you have a problem first and then you’ve got to be willing to take imperfect action to fix it. And growth and change is uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be. And any pain that we’re in is always a call to grow. So here’s what I’ve learned from Mike’s, my own experiences, having been in this situation and also from working with hundreds of women. We convince ourselves that we don’t have a choice. This is just how it is. My family depends on me. I can’t take a step back.

 

But that’s the golden handcuffs talking. That is fear dressed up as logic. You do have choices and they may not be easy or comfortable, but they exist. And you just need the right strategy, the right tools, the right support to actually see them clearly. Because what good is all this money in the bank and all this lovely paycheck that’s coming in if you’re too exhausted to enjoy it. If you’re used to, you know, going on two week holiday and then working for the rest of the year. Like what’s…

 

Like, what’s it all for? Like, if you’re using it to buy back time and energy that you’re actually selling it back to your employer, like, think about that for a second. Really think about it. It’s not worth it, right? It’s really not worth it. And then finally, the third sign, and honestly, this is the one that breaks my heart and I could get emotional because I do sometimes when I think about this, is you’ve forgotten who you really are.

 

Lucy Gernon (17:53.305)

You remember her? The woman who was carefree with the fire in her belly, who had creative ideas, time to think strategically, who had interests outside of work, who laughed, who belly laughed. When was the last time you had a really good belly laugh, not just a polite corporate reserved laugh? And now you’re in back to back meetings, most likely firefighting constantly, managing other people’s drama.

 

fighting for influence in rooms where you’re not even properly valued half the time by certain people. And you may feel a little bit lost. You might still be showing up. You might have your laser on, your lipstick, leadership mode, looking successful. And your Instagram might look great. Your LinkedIn might be amazing. But internally, you might feel like a bit like a shell.

 

like you’re performing in a role rather than being yourself. And one of my clients in 360 told me recently, and this really gutted me because I am as tactical and as strategic and, you know, data driven as I am, I’m highly empathetic, which is why I think I make a great coach, but also I can cry on demand. So just ignore me. But one of our members said to me when she joined, she was like, I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.

 

I don’t even know what brings me joy. I’ve been in survival mode for so long. I’ve actually forgotten what lights me up. And that’s the sneakiest part is that you look successful, but you feel lost. And the worst part then is that you’re so tired and overwhelmed you can’t even imagine it being different. And you just think this is your life, but it’s not life. It’s not even living. It’s just existing.

 

So if this lands with you, I want you to know that I am am sending love. And if something in your heart today is taking this in, it’s meant to land with you today. And if you’re happy out, like I said, I am so happy for you. Keep going. But please send this episode to somebody who maybe isn’t. So now I want to give you like what you need to do about it. Right. So if you are resonating with one or more of those signs, what do you do? So first, you need to recognize that you don’t have to choose between

 

Lucy Gernon (20:06.446)

career success and personal happiness. That is a false choice that keeps women trapped. You can lead with confidence, with boundaries and have time to think strategically. You can be successful and present with your family. You can earn really well and you can invest in yourself without sacrificing your soul. But it starts with admitting where you’re at, actually admitting to yourself that this is a problem.

 

and then learning the strategies and the tools to loosen them, whether that means negotiating in your current role, transitioning to something new, having a difficult conversation with somebody who’s stealing way too much of your presence and your headspace, or completely re-imagining what success looks like for you. So if this is landing with you, I have two invitations for you. The first one is if you are the kind of person that you doubt yourself a lot.

 

And that’s where a lot of this people pleasing is coming in and you find it difficult to set boundaries and you shy away from conflict. And that is a cause of this. I highly recommend that you go and you watch my free confidence masterclass, three secrets to lead with confidence and reclaim time. I made this available on demand. It was a live masterclass I did last year and

 

So many people couldn’t make it and it was so popular. It was actually the most powerful master class I think I’ve ever done. So I’ve made it under on demand for you. All you’ve got to do is go to lucygarnon.com forward slash master class. You can let you put in your name and email and will come. You’ll get it straight away so you can literally get off this podcast right now and go to lucygarnon.com forward slash master class. And in under an hour, you’re going to uncover the hidden blind spots that are sabotaging your success in a deeper level.

 

I’m going to show you how to reclaim your power without burning any bridges and discover why even my VP level clients didn’t see this coming. Like there’s some amazing tools in there. So please head over to lucygarden.com forward slash master class. Secondly, if you know you need more than a free master class and you are considering coaching or you’re just you’re considering developing yourself in some way and you you feel stuck and you know that you need the tools and strategies to move forward and

 

Lucy Gernon (22:24.034)

You know you can’t podcast your way to change. You know that you cannot read any more books. You know you need accountability. You know you need structure. And most importantly, you are ready to do the work. I invite you to apply to join 360 Leaders Club. We are we’ve changed our application process significantly. The membership has grown. Not only do you get executive coaching and training and all of those things.

 

what you are actually getting is a full transformation. We will solve so many problems with you. But because I only want to work with action takers and because the caliber of the women in there is just second to none, they’re so down to earth, they’re so amazing, but they’re also highly talented and they’re also, they love developing themselves. They’re not there to whinge or moan. They are there to work on themselves. I have had to get more tight with our screening criteria. So here’s what’s going to happen.

 

you will go to 360LitresClub.com. You can click and you can apply to get on our priority wait list. And when you get on this wait list, we will screen you and let you know if we actually think you’re suitable to get on the priority wait list. Our membership retention rate this year, the last time I checked, I think was at 67%. So more and more of our members are renewing and renewing. And as it’s growing, our capacity is reducing. So if you’ve been thinking about working with me for a while, now is your moment.

 

head over to 360LitresLob.com and you’ll be able to click and submit your application to get on our priority wait list. And then we’ll get back to you and let you know if you have actually qualified to get on that wait list. And if you’re on the wait list, then we will let you know when a spot becomes available, which we will be opening up spots for 2026 for sure. So that’s those two things. Head over and go to the Watch the Masterclass or apply to get on our priority wait list. And I would love to support you either way.

 

You know, even if this podcast is just helping you even just to hear my voice, that’s fantastic. But you’ve got to take action, right? Nothing’s going to change unless you take action. And I know this episode might have hit some nerves. And I’m actually glad because it should, because for years I felt that way. And I took mine off and I did it when I was in corporate and even.

 

Lucy Gernon (24:44.342)

as I cared a little bit less, I still cared about delivery and I still delivered with excellence and I found my passion. And you can absolutely do that too. It doesn’t have to look like leaving and starting a business. I have had hundreds and hundreds of women to absolutely thrive in their leadership careers all without burning out or missing out on life or forgetting who they are. So 2026 is just around the corner and let it be your year to lead on your terms.

 

So head over to my website, lucigaron.com forward slash masterclass and please watch it. You’re going to love this masterclass. It’s only 40 minutes. You do have the time, right? You do have the time. Or if you know that you need coaching next year and support, all you’ve got to do is go to 360leadersclub.com and you’ll see the button there to submit your application. So that’s it for this week. I hope I’ve given you some food for thought. Will you do me a favor? I do these episodes.

 

every single week. If you are a long term listener and you haven’t shared this with a friend or you haven’t left me a review on Apple or Spotify, I would so appreciate if you would, because I really need to get this message to more people. And if you know a woman in leadership who needs to hear what I’ve just shared, if you’ve seen her burning out, if you know that she’s ready for change, just send her this little, might just be the little pep talk that she needs.

 

So that is it for this week’s episode of the show. I am literally just gonna check my spreadsheet because I wanna tell you, yeah, I wanna tell you that next week, I’m sharing a two week Christmas wind down protocol, how to log off without guilt. So you return with zero emergencies and not to chaos. And it is amazing. I’m gonna give you the full checklist. We’re gonna walk through it together. So be sure you come back next week. Until then, same time, same place. Bye for now.