The Confidence Knock Still Affecting Your Leadership Career (And Why You’re Still Carrying It)

Lucy (00:00)
Has your confidence ever been knocked in your leadership career? Not because you weren’t capable, not because you weren’t delivering, but because something happened. Maybe it was a really difficult boss, or maybe you were passed over for promotion or a restructuring, or maybe it was a comment that somebody made years ago that you still carry with you today. One thing I’ve learned after coaching hundreds of the most high-performing, amazing women in leadership is this: that most women don’t have a confidence problem.

They have a confidence wound and they’re still carrying it around today. So that’s exactly why we are kicking off season two of the Lucy Gernon Show with this whole episode around confidence knocks and how you can rebuild yours. So let’s get into it.

Hey there and welcome back to the Lucy Gernon Show. I am so, so excited. It’s so good to be back with season two of the show. And this season we are talking all about confident leadership reset. So I am beyond excited to be here because I’ve taken a little bit of time out to really reflect on everything in my business. I have so many things I want to tell you. And if you’re watching on YouTube, please subscribe. You will notice that my hair is no longer blonde, it’s a little bit shorter.

Little bit browner and a few little highlights. Who knows where it’ll go next, but it’s still me. I’m still here. side note, fun fact, I actually have brown hair. but when the grays started coming through, I was like, okay, we need to get some highlights back in. But anyway, side note. ⁓ we’re here today to talk about you and confident leadership. And I really want you to hear me when I say this is that today’s episode is going to be transformational. You are going to leave up mindset shifts that you did not have before, because I really want you to.

Know that you are worthy, that you deserve every bit of success that you have in your career, and that there’s so much more that’s possible for you when you do the work on and for yourself. Because, like I said in the introduction, most women don’t actually have a confidence problem. Most women have a confidence wound. And that’s the thing that’s holding us back today. So let’s talk about the confidence knock that nobody is really talking about.

You know that I’m an executive coach and I work with high performing women in senior leadership. I have women who are in big companies, the likes of MSD and Pfizer and McKesson and companies like that. I have women in financial services from the likes of State Street. I have women in smaller firms from all over the world, from the US to Europe to the UK, and to of course my my home country of Ireland. And no matter what industry they’re in, they are all have one thing in common.

Which is they are high achievers. And I love me a good high achiever. I love being around women who like achieving, love being around leaders who are making an impact in the world. And the women I work with, they are incredibly successful. They are usually in their forties or fifties in industries like pharma and med tech and financial services and engineers and energy and

tech and all of these amazing women in industries that are literally running our world today.

Many of them are leading multi-million euro budgets or dollar budgets. Many are making billion dollar decisions. Some are in startups, in smaller companies, some are in big companies. And it really doesn’t matter because the the challenges that women leaders face in male-dominated industries that are fast paced, high performances expected, they’re the same. Because you want to be able to influence senior stakeholders. You want to have careers, right, that many people would admire.

Yet when I start working with my amazing clients, confidence shows up in literally 80 odd percent of the goals that my 360 Leaders Club members set. And if you saw these women, they appear confident on the outside, just like I did for so many years. And it’s not they’re not capable, it’s far from it. It’s actually that somewhere along the way, something has happened that made them start questioning themselves.

And at one point or another, they gave away their personal power. And often they don’t realize they’re carrying it until they begin to work with me. They just know that they overthink, they often second guess themselves, they stay quiet when they should speak up, or they find themselves overworking, working twice as hard as everybody else, because they feel like they have something to prove.

I remember one of my clients, Avril, she was on the podcast before, so we will link her episode in the show notes. She’s an amazing lady who works in financial services industry. And she said that she was working hard to prove something, and she didn’t know what she was working hard to prove. And ultimately it was just this drive that she had to prove herself, right? But that ended up in health issues and leading to burnout and all of these things. And she she realized that she was able to actually have it all as a female leader.

And you absolutely can too. And the reason I know that is not just because I’ve worked with hundreds of women in senior leadership over the last five or six years. It’s because I’ve been there. So if you don’t know me, I worked in the corporate world for

gonna say 18, 20 years. I kind of I started, ⁓ I had my first director role when I was twenty one and I am forty five now. Am I forty six? I actually don’t know.

Isn’t that terrible when you get to this age? I mean I’m not alone that you forget your name, your age. But anyway, side side note is I gave my life to my career. I worked in the pharmaceutical industry and I cared so deeply about the patient and the products we made and delivering at all costs. And you know, I remember feeling really important when I got that job. And

Feeling like, wow, I can’t believe that I’m working in this big brand, this big company. You know, I worked in some big companies and some small ones too. But there was one time that I will never ever forget. So my team and I, so I worked in pharma industry. So anyone who works in pharma or medtech or any manufacturing, you’ll know the pressure, ⁓ especially in the pharmaceutical industry, where there’s products coming off patent. You are trying to, we were in a startup, I did a couple of startups actually.

And we were managing multiple tech transfers, which is essentially for anyone who’s not in that world, where you’re bringing in like multiple products at the same time. Now, every product, there’s a lot of work, not only to get it up and running in the manufacturing side, but I worked in the quality ⁓ quality department. So I was over the some of the lab operations and also over some of the steroid manufacturing. So we had a lot of work to do in lots of different areas, and there was so many transfers coming in at the one time, there was multiple regulatory inspections.

My team at the time, I think I had something ridiculous, like 25 direct report direct reports at one time. And we had a huge increase in workload that was not forecast. And people were off sick, my kids were young at the time, and I was carrying everything. And at the same time, right, I was struggling really badly with anxiety, depression.

I used to overeat and drink wine just to soothe myself because I didn’t have the tools I have now to regulate myself. And I gave everything to everybody else. And somehow, I don’t know how I did it, but every KPI was great. I had never worked harder in my life. I was not going to drop a ball. And I remember walking into my end of year review. So it would have been the following quarter. I think we did end of year is in March, if I remember correctly.

And I remember I had worked so much the pro the previous year, and I had sacrificed a lot. Like so many of you listening, I know that you know this. And I’m walking into my end-of-year performance review, and I’m walking down the corridor, and I see my boss sitting in one of the meeting rooms that had a glass window. And when when I knocked on the door, she kind of half-smiled and she kept her head down. So I was like, this is a bit strange. So, okay. So I went in and she

Told me that I was in the meets expectation category. Now, if you’re multitasking, come back to me. If you’re a high performer and a high achiever like I am, you may as well fire me than put me in the meets expectation because I did not work my ass off to meet expectations. I worked hard because I wanted to exceed expectations, and I know I actually did. However, they were my expectations, they were not the company’s because I had set the bar so high.

As to what was actually meeting expectations, that I left myself, it was just normal. It was just what was expected. And then I would compare myself to my peers. So the department I was running, there was one of me at the time. There were four or five of my peers over another department. And they were constantly re and everything was a problem. And you know, they brought in all these consultants to help them and then they got all back on track. And what do you know? They’re all getting rewarded. And they were male.

So I remember feeling physically sick, not because of the rating, but because my best just still didn’t feel good enough. And that moment really, really knocked my confidence more than I realized at the time. And so I spent years undoing that work at the time for myself. And one of my 360 Leaders Club members described something very similar as well recently. She was very successful on paper, a senior leader.

⁓ she was actually in, I believe it was MedTech, or else it was ⁓ aerospace. I think it was medtech. yeah, no, she is, she’s medtech. And she’s a senior leader. She’s respected, she’s experienced all of the things, but she had been passed over. And even though she never really talked about it much, she carried that experience into every boardroom, every meeting afterwards. She would find herself second guessing herself.

when certain stakeholders were in the room. She questioned her judgment and she often stayed quieter than she should have. The event was long over, was had passed, but the story that she created from it was still running the show. And that’s exactly what confidence knocks do. So if you have had a confidence knock in your career, first of all, you’re not alone. And it is the work that I do. It’s my most passionate work that I do with my clients is

supporting you to see yourself how others do, to get rid of those voices from the past who are that’s telling you this horrible story about your capabilities that is just not true. And when I see the relief and the moments where the light bulbs drop, I could get emotional. I’m a crier. It’s just so, so rewarding for me. And it’s not it’s not that I’m like coming in to save or rescue anybody. Nobody needs that. It’s that I know exactly what it feels like to feel like an imposter.

I know exactly what it feels like to give your all and then get a kick in the teeth. And it’s just the most horrible feeling. And if it wasn’t for coaching and all of the tools and positive psychology stuff that I have learned, there’s no way I would be where I am today. And that’s what I love to help women with. So if you have had a confidence knock, here’s some signs about how it might be showing up for you still today. So if you’re still carrying it, see do any of these land. Number one.

You overthink decisions. Number two, you replay and overthink conversations afterwards. Number three, you might avoid putting yourself forward or you might deflect to others or kind of shy away a little bit, hoping that you’ll be picked, but you’re not going to put yourself out there. you wait to be noticed instead of actually advocating for yourself.

And you work harder than anybody else, but it’s not

really for the business. What you’re actually doing is you’re doing it to kind of prove something.

You struggle to believe that your success is deserved and that you constantly beat yourself up for not being better. Does any of that sound familiar? Because if it does, you may not call this a confidence knock. You might even label it as imposter syndrome, or you may not even know why you behave the way you do. But you can see the fingerprints of the past everywhere. And this matters because the problem isn’t actually about what happened.

It’s about what happens next. Because when your confidence is knocked and you never actively rebuild it, it starts to affect so much. In fact, I just had a call with a new client. She’s amazing. She’s just joined 360 Leaders Club. And if you’re interested in learning more about my professional development program in 360 Leaders Club, you can just head over to my website, lucygarn.com forward slash 360, and you can join the wait list.

But this lady was explaining to me how she had a confidence knock nine years ago and it was still affecting her today. Again, high performer, amazing lady, but it was affecting her sleep, her relationships, her visibility, her leadership, well being, and really her ability to enjoy the success that she had worked so hard for.

And that’s something I hear so often from accomplished women in senior leadership. Women who have, you know, in their 40s and 50s usually, who have worked so hard to get to that level of seniority and they feel a little bit trapped by the golden handcuffs. But at the same time, they’re not actually getting the time or the mental capacity to be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor because they’re so busy doing the doing. They’re so busy like

Just working and feeling exhausted. Then some of them I speak to, you know, have money built up in the bank, but they don’t want to invest in themselves because that bloody confidence knock and that imposter syndrome has made them feel like they don’t deserve it. And that frustrates me more than anything because I’m like, ⁓ I used to be like this too. I was like, I had the money there, but yet there was no way I’d invest in me. And in fact, one of my clients, it was her birthday yesterday as I’m recording this. So if you’re listening to this, you’ll know who you are.

And she sent me the most beautiful voice note saying that three years ago she joined 360 and she invested in herself on her birthday. And she sent me just the nicest message, ⁓ just sharing how much she’s changed over the last three years. She has, you 360 you joined for six months, but some of my clients are with me years because they love the community and they love the learning and the growth so much. ⁓ and she was, you know, she’s told me how much it’s you know, her husband has seen the change and her her kids.

see the re ripple effect. And it just makes me so happy. And, you know, this lady has a master’s, she has all the qualifications, but she couldn’t see what others saw because her confidence had taken a knock. So I want you to know that when you do the work, and you know, as we were chatting about with this new lady who joined the program with me, she’s like Lucy, I’d listened to your podcast. I had done the books. I had done everything. I just can’t get myself out of it. So if you ever feel like you’re at that point,

Definitely reach out to me and you can head over to 360 and join the wait list for when we’re taking in new members again. But that aside, the most powerful thing that you can do for yourself today is this. And I really want you to hear me when I say this to you, lovely. And if you’re multitasking, come right back to me. That confidence knock or that thing that happened to you is not who you are. That difficult boss doesn’t know anything.

And that is not your identity. That mispromotion is nothing to do with you. It is not something that you need to take on as part of your identity. That criticism is not your identity. It was an event, and it was a moment in time where you felt vulnerable and somebody said or did something that took advantage of that vulnerability. And in that moment, your brain’s only way of surviving.

Was to take it on. But you get to choose. You can rebuild your confidence. You can stop feeling like an imposter. You can believe in yourself more than you ever have before. It is absolutely possible. It is so possible to have it all. You can have success, balance, and happiness.

So if today’s episode has resonated with you and you want to rebuild that confidence or you want to feel more confident when you go into a boardroom, when you go into senior leaders, I’ve created something specifically to help. Now, because you’re a podcast listener, you’re probably gonna love this. It is my confidence audio reset. Now, this is an eight minute audio that I designed for you so that you have me in your ear before you go into any high-stakes conversations.

So if you want it, we will pop the link in the show notes. Just go and check it out, or you can head over to lucygernon.com forward slash confidence and you will find the audio there as well. So it’s a really short but powerful resource to help you to rebuild the confidence and self-belief exactly when you need it. So you will walk into any room and you will absolutely own your worth. You can grab that in the show notes. So in closing, this season of the show.

I had to kick it off with the whole premise of confidence knocks because let’s call it out. We’ve all had them. But it doesn’t have to be a reality. And I endeavor on this season of the show to show you a better way. So on next week’s episode of the show, we are joined by a very special guest who is a neuroscientist. His name is Dr. Brian Penny, and he was on my podcast before. And we had a fascinating conversation about why high-achieving women

Become addicted to stress and how that very pattern is the thing that’s keeping us stuck. So definitely come back next week. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel so you can watch us on your TV or on your phone. Or if you’re listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you’re listening, please subscribe so you don’t miss a thing because this season is going to be transformational. So until next week, remember this. Your confidence isn’t lost. It’s still inside you.

You just need to reconnect with it and remember who you are. And as always, success, balance and happiness is absolutely possible. Remember that. So until next week, same time, same place. Bye for now.